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User talk:Luisantonio.barrera.9277
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Haunted Auto Repair page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Look at what our editors have written at the User Submissions page. If you upload OC (Original Content, or something that you wrote instead of found on the Internet), be sure to tag it with the Category:OC category AND add it to the User Submissions page. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Prince(ss) Platinum (talk) 02:55, November 7, 2013 (UTC) Reasons for Deletion Here's why it was deleted: It's a wall of text, there's typos, grammar mistakes and you don't punctuate correctly, but the big reason is the story is really poorly told. You use "then" way too much. It's really bad. It completely ruins the flow of your story, it makes it incredibly monotonous and it honestly makes it almost unreadable. The way you write dialogue is very clunky. I don't even know how to describe it. Some of it is just silly. Stuff like X-Luis, "I am the Devil and you opened the Devil's Portal of Hell to The Real World! But now, I should kill you!", "Hi Luis, I am X-Luis!" Said X-Luis. What murders the story is that all you do is tell, you don't show. You tell to a ridiculous degree. You can't spend a bunch of lines telling us what a demon will do over the next several years. That doesn't work. It's not a good read. You need to incorporate that kind of thing into the story. Don't just have someone say it. You do this so much. You don't describe anything well. Either the descriptions are shallow, like "demonic looking eyes", what's does that mean, actually describe the eyes, demonic tells us nothing. Or your descriptions are obtuse, like the description of the devil which was hard to follow. Or they're down right useless. "He turned into an ultimate Devil and Dragon. He was like a mix of the TMNT 2012 Rahzar and dragon" None of that means a thing. What does an ultimate dragon look like? I haven't seen TMNT 2012. I'm guessing a lot of people haven't. So, saying it looks like Rahzar does nothing. I don't want to be mean, you're seem like a nice person, you're willing to do work on your story, but I don't think it can be saved. I really want to help you, I want to give you advice, but it's difficult when there's very basic things you're doing wrong. I'm sorry. The best advice I can give you is to read more. Learn how professionals tell stories and write dialogue and describe things. Practice writing, if you can take a creative writing class, but you really need to firm up your grasp of how to write. Again, I'm sorry. It upsets me that I'm struggling to help you, but I'm at a loss. If there's anything I can do, aside from putting your story back up, let me know and I'll do my best. ImGonnaBeThatGuy (talk) 07:12, January 25, 2014 (UTC)